Dust and Ash

Of course there must be something just not right!
I teach the answers but have not satisfied my inquiries,
Have not answered my questions, have not solved the riddles.
Nor found delight in my seclusion,
No joy in my delusion,
There must be no conclusion
To the suffering I have allowed to torment me exquisitely.

I have searched without and within,
I have asked the world and my heart
I have begged God and my soul;
And I have waited and waited and waited
in vain, insane, in pain.

This twisted world is the product of my twisted mind,
Though even inside there is a peace I do not find.
-And where would it be if not within me?
Who do I ask? What do I do?
The unknown of suicide frightens me sufficiently
To continue living in damnation self assumed.
The dreams of you that once inspired love’s great desires
Now smite my heart full of dread…

Oh how I miss you.

I sway in the breeze as a decaying rose
Falling apart like the petals of dead yellow tulips.
And what is not death in these weeping eyes?
What could seem alive when drowning in this blood of broken trust and hearts?

How do you tolerate this endless tirade of my whining?
I myself do hate this hopeless parade I’m designing.

My smiles are as false to me as the prophecies
That promise universal love to those who have faith.
I flow everlasting as a river searching for the sea;
I thirst for the breast that will never again nourish me.
My journey knows no destination and so I am lost.
The least known and most traveled paths for me have no way, no way at all.

But there is a light.
Light from the stars and warmth from the sun,
For without would die the marvelous flowers, trees and whole fields of green.
And I am glad, for I see the sun rising and smile.

Our first kiss was in night’s darkness and I have been cursed since.
But there is no more urge to feed; no more want save for death.
And as dawn is born a new day I delight in those lovely nights
When in each other’s arms we made love and peace and hope brand new.

My breath carries your scent; my ears cradle your moans and sighs.
Your sweat and tears wet my lips and tongue and I long to taste your love.
But I can no more drink your blood;
For the sun has risen;
And I collapse into dust and ash…

Oh; how I miss you…

Hakeem Alexander